The spirit of offense

We live in a day when people are easily offended. It does not take much. One word, one look, one post, or one opinion can become a major issue. Before long, someone is hurt, angry, and ready to accuse.

But here is something we need to remember. Not every offense means someone sinned against us. Sometimes the offense says more about the heart of the offended person than the person who spoke.

The Bible says, “A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11

That verse needs to be heard today. It is a mark of wisdom to be slow to anger. It is not weakness to overlook an offense. It is not spiritual maturity to be hurt by everything. Sometimes maturity means saying, “I am not going to make a battle out of this.”

Now, we need to be honest. There are real sins. If someone lies about you, slanders you, mocks you, or speaks with cruelty, that is wrong. Christians should not excuse careless or hateful words. Jesus said, “But I tell you that for every careless word that people speak, they will give an account of it on the day of judgment.” Matthew 12:36

Our words matter. We should not hide behind, “I did not mean it that way,” if we were harsh, proud, or unkind. A Christian should be willing to examine his own heart and ask, “Were my words right before God?”

But there is another side to this. Sometimes a person says something innocent, and someone else chooses to take it wrong. They assume motives. They add meaning that was never there. They hear what was not said, then become angry over what they imagined.

That is not discernment. That is a spirit of offense.

James gives us a better way. 

“Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness of God.” James 1:19–20

Quick to hear means we listen before we accuse. Slow to speak means we do not rush to attack. Slow to anger means we do not let our feelings rule us. That alone would stop a lot of trouble in homes, churches, friendships, and even on social media.

The person speaking should ask, “Was I careless with my words?” The person offended should ask, “Am I being fair, or am I looking for a reason to be hurt?” Both questions matter. One guards the tongue. The other guards the heart.

Paul wrote, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.” Romans 12:18

Notice the words, “so far as it depends on you.” 

I am responsible for my heart, my words, and my conduct. I am not responsible for someone else’s bitterness, assumptions, or desire to be offended. I should seek peace, but I cannot force another person to receive it.

Some people carry offense like a wound they refuse to let heal. They replay it. They feed it. They build a case in their mind. But Scripture says, “All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice.” Ephesians 4:31

Bitterness is not something to protect. It is something to put away.

There will be times when we need to make things right. There will be times when we need to apologize. There will also be times when we need to overlook an offense and move on.

The mature believer does not demand that everyone walk on eggshells around him. He seeks truth. He seeks peace. He guards his own heart.

Being offended is easy. Overlooking an offense takes grace. And grace is what Christians should know best.

To contact Dean or share your own thoughts, email hopeinchrist2024@yahoo.com.

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